Good morning and welcome to Earth. I know it’s been a long trip, but I am sure you are all excited to have finally arrived. I am going to answer some of your questions, some general and some about your new home, which, to remind us all, is at a location known as the Kalahari, in an area known as South Africa.

“The climate of the Kalahari is very similar to the climate of where you all used to live on your planet. I know that on your planet dihydrogen oxide (which we call water) emerged from the core of the planet and formed pools. On Earth, water falls from the sky in a process very different to your experience. It can be quite annoying but not to worry – this seldom happens in the Kalahari. Water is pumped out of the ground to the surface, much the same as on your planet. Your energy needs, in other words, nutritional sustenance, will be supplied to you for the first year of your stay. Oh, let me mention, a ‘year’ is the time taken for Earth to revolve around the sun – our sun, that is. The nutritional sustenance will be supplied by a company owned by the brother of a politician who currently owns a cake shop. I know you have no idea what a cake is, but it’s no problem. There are no cakes in the Kalahari. After a year, you will be able to forage for nutritional sustenance. Which is to say for anything you can find to eat on the surface which has nutrition. Very fortunately, the Kalahari has a surface very much like your own planet and you will find the construction of the underground burrows to which you are used to be very much like the burrows you have on your planet. By the way, saying ‘your own planet’ or ‘your planet’ is getting a bit monotonous: from now on, I’ll use the phrase ‘back at home’ or ‘at home’ – if that’s okay with you.

“You will have noticed that I am wearing what looks like a removable skin. In fact, it is removable, but it is not part of my body. Unlike you, I, and all humans, do not have scales to protect our bodies, so instead we wear these removable skins, which we call ‘clothes’. We also wear coverings on our feet, called ‘shoes’. Humans do not have tails such as yours. In my opinion, it’s more the pity for it.

“Some of you have asked if the humans will easily accept you into their society and not reject you. It’s a good question. The average height of a human is about twice your average height and will instantly recognise that, with scales and tails, four phalanges on each foot and hand, monocular vision . . . the humans will easily note that you are different to them and may even be afraid of you. It’s natural when two nations meet for this to be the case. Also, it is very unlikely that you will be able to communicate with humans. Right now, I am using a long-range nasal rumble mental imaging filter to communicate with you. There are very few of these on Earth. I would not let this worry you too much; the Kalahari has very few humans and does have many creatures which are similar to you.

“Now, in closing, there are two matters which I must discuss with you. Firstly, do not leave the area in which we place you. The Kalahari is very, very large – you will not want for space. Other parts of South Africa are much wetter than the Kalahari and not as warm. Secondly, do not use humans as nutritional sustenance. I know this was common at home, but it is not the same on Earth. If you do use humans as nutritional sustenance, they will do the same to you. They have good practice in this for many years. Thank you all. Best wishes for the landing. Goodbye.”