Back in the day, as they say, Harden Beck, of the East London municipality, was the chief electrical engineer. I found out that the electrical engineering department of the city received many letters from the public. Harden recorded each letter and made sure that they were all answered.

Moving forward to 1993. I told my friend, Alan Campbell, that I was starting a consulting electrical engineering practice. He said, oh really? He said there were 20 consulting electrical engineering practices in Cape Town with a fee income of R20-million. Did I think I could break into that market? So, I said, oh yes. The 20 consulting electrical engineering practices could have R10-million. I would have the rest, I said. How would I do that? Simple, I said, I would return calls and messages. That would put me ahead of other practices in Cape Town.

Now, this is a joke, kind of. But not entirely. One would have thought that, with cellphones and email, the speed and level of communication would get faster and much better. It is, in fact, quite the reverse. So often, I call somebody and the phone rings and rings away with no reply. And no call back. Then, when I call the following day, they say, oh, yes! I saw your call! Sorry I didn’t call back. This would be sort of normal if I was phoning a friend, or my brother (who never answers) or somebody. But it happens when I am calling people to discuss business. And I wonder, heck, do these people want to actually be in business? It happens with girlfriends (well, it did).

Then there is the email which has no reply. The experts at not replying are, in no particular order, banks, professional institutions (such as the Engineering Council of South Africa) and so on. We all know how it is to phone a bank: “This call is important to us, please stay on the line. We are experiencing higher call volumes than normal; a consultant will answer shortly. For security and quality purposes, this call is being recorded. Some of our consultants are untrained crack addicts and are working under supervision.” (Okay, I made that up. They are, in fact, trained.)

The clear winners, the absolutely top of the log for not answering the phone, are the departments of Cabinet Ministers. I could make a long list. One will do. This is a record of phone calls to Environment, Forestry and Fisheries Minister Barbara Creecy. Calls to Creecy (012 310 3537 does not exist, and 021 464 1500, no reply); calls to chief of staff Feroze (no reply to both 012 399 9778 and 021 469 6303); calls to personal assistant Mamonkwe Sipilica (both 012 399 9141 and 021 469 6314 not available); and calls to personal assistant Mlimandlela Ndamase (calls to 083 480 0014 go to mailbox).

I was calling the Minister to ask for a reply to an email. As you can see, this was a fruitless exercise. The email I sent explained that the latest noise protocol from the Department of Environment, Forestry and Fisheries was in conflict with the Western Cape noise control regulations, and what do we do about it? So now we will never know. I sent an email to complain to the The Presidency (presidentsa@presidency.gov.za) and got no reply. So, I phoned. No reply.

Well, does it make any difference? Who cares, actually? I care, not because I lose out, really, but because it is so stupid. With all the money, which is poured into these organisations, when they have no upper limit on who they could employ, they should be able to do much better than that. And no, it is not a worldwide phenomenon. I once called Wildlife Acoustics in the US and the phone was answered. After three rings. By the owner of the company. The UK and Europe are as good. We just seem to want to prove that Africa cannot get much right, even in answering a phone.