My editor has discouraged me from writing about politics in this column, and I think rightly so. My father and my mother were in the Second World War, in uniform, and both had a very healthy distrust of politicians, which they passed on to their children. Thus, I have a very keen sense of what government may do with information and what dark motives they have for doing this.

Having said all this, I have received a letter. It is from a distant relative, Jacques La Pomme. He left South Africa in the 1960s – some say to fight as a mercenary in the Republic of Congo. He returned to France and now lives in Le Creusot, in Burgundy. We very seldom correspond. He runs a small restaurant, known as a ‘Relais Routiers’, which is a form of French truck stop. The food is good and at reasonable prices, often with wine and bread included.

Anyway, he heard about the lockdown situation in South Africa and sent me a letter. It is all in French, so I have translated it (as you will see). He asked me to send the letter to the South African President. I phoned him and told him that the queue of letters the President is waiting to read stretches right around the block a few times. So he said, okay, just put it in Engineering News & Mining Weekly and hope the President reads it. Okay, I’ll hope. In the meantime, here is the letter:

“My Dear Terence,” (some social greeting omitted) “I would be grateful if you would send this letter to your President. I wish him to realise the following: South Africa is not without its influence of France. In the last 50 years, we have sold you defence helicopters and submarines; the first primary semi-automatic weapon used by South African forces to replace the British 0.303 rifle was the Belgian FN, which was sold via France. Your nuclear power station at Koeberg was French supplied. Two hundred years ago, French Huguenots helped establish wine farms in the Franschhoek valley, which produce wine and from which cognac is produced. Mr President, I note that you have now banned smoking in South Africa. Now, I feel this is misguided. I am not a smoker but, as a Frenchman, am fully aware that the best part of two World Wars was fought in France. You may wonder what this has to do with tobacco. It is simply this: tobacco is a good friend – if you are hungry, lonely, tired, thirsty, in need of reward, bored, need to lift the spirits . . . a smoke will do it for you. Wars have been won due to the morale of troops and that morale is greatly elevated by tobacco. It is a big mistake to try to ban this.

“But, Mr President, this is not my issue. My issue is more French. It is a matter of cuisine. In French cuisine, there are a few great French dishes. In no particular order, they are: Coq au Vin (Chicken in red wine), Boeuf Bourguignon, Pot au Feu, Chateaubriand, French Onion Soup, Crêpes Suzette, Lapin A La Bourguignonne, Tripes à la mode de Caen.

“Mr President, with the exception of Pot au Feu, all of these dishes require alcohol to make them. With Pot au Feu, you have to eat it with a strong Burgundy wine. Thus, by banning alcohol in South Africa, you have effectively stopped French people in South Africa and Francophones from eating France’s most famous dishes. In context, this is not a disaster of national proportion. You apparently enjoy fish and salad. Imagine if fish was banned? How would you feel? I am sure that, deep down, there are some reasons for this peculiar behaviour of banning the things that give people relaxing pleasure. It is, however, very distressing to know that, when people visit South Africa, not only cannot they try these wonderful French dishes, they cannot try the wines which often derive from France. A great pity.”