I was fortunate enough to watch Rob Hersov speak at the BizNews Investment Conference. Hersov is not short of a few bob and is a leading investor in the revamp of Fisantekraal Airfield, in Cape Town.

In his speech, he posed the question: In the current scenario, who would invest in South Africa? The point was that, under the current government, virtually every State enterprise – South African Airways, Transnet, Armscor, Denel, the Land Bank, the South African National Rail Agency, the South African Broadcasting Corporation – is on its knees and, according to auditor-general Tsakani Maluleke (in March 2021): “Many State-owned entities disclosed uncertainty in their financial statements as to whether they will be able to continue as a going concern.”

So, who would invest in South Africa? Now it happens that the number of acoustics engineers in Africa is limited to a few in South Africa. It also happens that one requirement for the International Finance Corporation to lend money for any development in Africa is for there to be a noise impact assessment by an acoustics engineer. Still further, many hotel groups which invest in Africa want the hotel designs to be done by a consulting acoustics engineer. In the past, these engineers were appointed from practices in the UK or Europe, which charge a fortune. So, enter stage left, is my acoustics practice, Machoy.

As a result, my staff and I have visited many African countries. I offer a summary of the status and impression of some notable countries. Let’s start: Botswana – all in all: excellent. Their professionals are on the ball, very dedicated. Great buildings. Roads are good, traffic a bit like Johannesburg. People friendly, prices reasonable. At the Cresta Lodge Buffet, you can eat crocodile tail. Tastes a bit like lamb. eSwatini (formerly Swaziland) – all in all: pretty much finished. Roads are poor, traffic is hectic and dangerous. Friendly people. Okay for an interesting holiday. Namibia – as good as Botswana. Locals are a bit withdrawn. There are lots of German-speaking Namibians and they are excellent at everything. Roads are good, traffic fine. Absolutely worth a visit. Windhoek Tafel and Namibian biltong and you can die happy. Go eat at Kucki’s Pub, in Swakopmund. Zambia – lovely people. Roads, medium. Some new buildings. Generally falling apart. The airport building at Ndola still uses the original RAF Quonset huts from World War II, which have not been maintained since the British left. Their air force has more operational fighter jets than South Africa’s. Republic of Congo – Ahhh! Most people are okay but Do Not Visit any of the local markets; you will see things you can’t ever unsee. The roads are beyond finished. You literally drive into the potholes. In many towns, the streetlights stopped working years ago. No main electrical or water supply; generators and water is delivered in large plastic bottles. You have to bribe your way out of the country.

Kenya: Nice people. Traffic is horrendously slow except going down the pass into the Great Rift Valley, where it’s amazingly dangerous. The sides of the valley are littered with wrecks. Taxi drivers are often Masais, who believe themselves to be immortal. Electricity is unreliable. Some great hotels. The food at the Thai Chi restaurant at the Stanley Hotel is to die for. You can buy fake Rolex watches at traffic lights for $20 (mine lasted for three years).

Mali: Not sure anymore; they had a coup. Lovely people. Where I was, they had apple trees over 30 m high. They send the kids to pick the apples. At the fishing village on the Niger river, they use a converted dhow (Chev engine) that was used by Arabs to collect slaves. There are many artisanal gold mines. They mine as a collective and, incredibly, the miners, in general, can neither read nor write but can do amazing mental arithmetic.

Uganda – Ohhhhhh! Traffic is worse than Kenya. Takes three hours to get from Entebbe Airport into town. The professionals are switched on and good fun. Woman smallish and charming.