It is, I think, the stuff that dreams are made of: a system is invented whereby organisations, governments and individuals can seamlessly communicate with one another without tediously writing and delivering letters and notices. It is with us now: email, SMS, WhatsApp, cellphones. Instant communication. Is it not wonderful? Actually, no, not so much, really.

I will give you some examples for my reasoning.
I adore cellphone communication and SMSes and email. As a small business owner, I was previously tied to an office to which I had to return to recover messages left on my answering machine. I could send documents by fax but printed ones had to follow by post – it was impossible to just post a letter: people expected faxes.

But when cellphones and email arrived, I was free. I check my email constantly. I do not sleep with my cellphone under my pillow, but I do sleep with it next to my bed and I have it on me all the time. The reason is that, one day, somebody is going to phone me up and offer me a huge contract, and they will get through to me straight away. But for many people answering a cellphone or replying to an email is very tedious. I have on many occasions (and I am sure you have) been in a meeting when a cellphone has rung and the owner looks at it and says: “I’ll get it later; it’s just the wife.” Or, even worse, they just squash the call. If I reprimand them and say: “Answer; it may be important”, they look at me in a tired fashion and say that they do not want to interrupt the meeting. Fair enough, but why do they not do what I do – just divert the call to somebody who is going to answer it?

It seems to me that, for many people, the cellphone has become a way of avoiding communication, not enhancing it; now that they can see who is calling, they screen the calls to suit themselves. So, instead of trying to interact with somebody on a business or personal level, they cocoon themselves. Ridiculous.

SMSes are great too. However, they are abused. Somebody has convinced the City of Cape Town that effective communication can be achieved using SMS alone. Thus, I regularly get summonses to appear in court for traffic fines that were incurred by Jennifer, my darling wife, who died two years ago. It is very funny when we get an SMS that suggests that failure to appear in court will put Jennifer in trouble.

Then there is email. Good thing, but results in robotic communication. There is the clown that deals with share payments. I get an email from him that says please submit your LK number by the fourth of the month to ensure payment. I emailed back: “What is an LK number?” He emails back, saying: “We cannot accede to your request.” So I write back to him again. I get the same email back about acceding to my request. Clearly, some clown has programmed the system to do absolutely nothing.

Then there is the clown from the attorneys who regularly phones me on my cellphone to tell me that I owe the South African Broadcasting Corporation (SABC) money. I regularly explain to him that I have a licence, that it is valid and that I do not owe anything. I email him. Nothing happens. I enquire. He says the firm cannot receive email. Then the SABC emails me and asks me to complete a form, stating how many television sets my business has. I write back, stating that I have one. They write back, saying: “You used to have two; please supply a letter from a recognised dealer explaining how the other set was disposed of.” I write back, saying: “The screen cracked. It’s broken.” Back comes an email saying: “Please supply a letter from a recognised dealer explaining how the other set was disposed of.”

No one in his right mind would want to go back to landlines and letters. But sometimes I wonder if at that time people did not communicate better than they do now. Not faster, but better.